A village that is central to instilling in children the kinds of values and expectations necessary to preserve the wider community.
But what if that ‘village’ is a random amalgamation of people from different cultures, with different customs and different, sometimes even contradictory, values?
What if that village is increasingly constrained by legislation, educational organisations, or social care agencies?
Or, worse yet, rendered meaningless as families must increasingly dilute their own ideals in order to blend with rapidly expanding sectarian hedonism?
Believe it or not, these are the kinds of questions religious parents must ruminate over in an increasingly secular, multicultural and disunited society.
My parents certainly struggled with it when they immigrated to the UK. With my brother and I in tow, we went from living in a society where people regularly recited the Lord’s prayer, treated spiritual health with the same importance as mental and physical health, and used phrases like “God bless you” to a place where even maintaining decent standards of dress was seen as oppressive and antiquated.
How could my parents tell me how to dress appropriately when young women wearing bum shorts were seen as a sign of liberation?
How could they choose our ‘village’ when most people didn’t even know their neighbours three doors down from them?
Of course, this isn’t only a problem for religious families. But it is most acutely felt in religious communities where faith dictates much of their approach to life.
From diet and nutrition to charity, law and order, marriage, and even the environment, it’s easy to see how faith quickly becomes a central part of childrearing.
In this way, faith and parenting are deeply intertwined in many families’ lives. And this interplay between the two is influenced by various factors, including public policies, societal attitudes, and the broader cultural context.
For families of faith, creating the environment necessary for faith to be an integral part of their children’s lives can be a challenge. In the UK, in particular, the logistics of basic life also play a key role.
How can young people be taught the importance of duty and service to others when there is such an emphasis on one’s ‘feelings’?
Where in most public discourse are young people encouraged to have children and raise them to be productive, well-adjusted adults for the good of society?
Never mind that house prices are through the roof. How can a greater emphasis be placed on the importance of ‘the community’ when many young adults are increasingly burdened with debt and rising taxes? Where a future with children likely means living in an overpriced shoe box, squandering thousands of pounds on childcare and only seeing family during public holidays?
And perhaps most importantly, where in all of this can they possibly think of what’s good for society?
Supporting families of faith is no easy feat. There is inevitably a tricky balance between enforced ‘faith-based’ ghettos and promoting a truly multicultural, well-integrated society where people focus on their shared values rather than lament over their differences.
But there are many reasons why we should want to get this balance right.
Research has shown that during times of stress, parental religiosity contributes to lower parental stress, increased parenting satisfaction and greater marital harmony.
Moreover, children raised in families that participate in certain group religious rituals were found to benefit from such family-strengthening practices and the promotion of a healthy child-adult relationship.
Even for children raised in low socioeconomic households, religiosity and spirituality were found to be positively correlated with fewer dysfunctional parent-child interactions. We can all do with healthier, happier children and families.
Of course, I don’t pretend to know the best way to achieve this.
Improving religious education, increasing legal protections for religious freedom so parents can raise their children in their faith, and even promoting understanding of different faiths would all certainly help.
But it seems to me that an easier place to start would be curating an idea of ‘community’ that we can all buy into. A national community that provides essential support networks for parents, including social, emotional, and educational resources.
We need to actively recreate the ‘village’ we want to raise our children in.
References
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